When nostalgia creeps in

I just got back from a GLORIOUS trip to Mexico with 4 of my oldest and dearest girlfriends. We swam, ate, lounged, laughed, told old stories, and talked about the meaty parts of life. 

They cocktailed…I did not. I was caught off guard by romantic thoughts of drinking a fancy cocktail and the brief pangs of disappointment that appeared when I chose not to act on them. 

I wondered why this sadness around my choice to not drink popped up during this trip and decided it was because my friends didn't drink a lot. They chose their moments to have a cocktail or two, enjoyed them, and then stopped…satisfied. There was no drunkenness to reinforce my choice to be sober. 

Drop the story, NQTD + playing the tape forward

• Drop the story

I don't know about you, but a thought can pop into my head and I'll create an elaborate story around it. In the past, I could take that romantic, nostalgic thought of a cocktail on the beach and create a whole story about how my sobriety isn't solid enough and I must not be as strong as I think I am and maybe I made the wrong choice and on and on and blah blah blah.

Not today. Today I can recognize the thought for what it is. Just a thought, not a fact. I understand my brain might relate that cocktail to connection and relaxation and start pumping out thoughts (dopamine) that'll make me think a drink will get me those things. But experience and education have proven that I feel better connecting and relaxing without one. 

• NQTD

I read the phrase, “Never question the decision” in Holly Whitaker's book, Quit Like a Woman 4 years ago and immediately adopted it as a mantra. For me, NQTD is a quick way to drop the story. The phrase takes away the burden of justifying my decision to stop drinking because it's already been justified. Been there done that. 

You better believe I weighed every pro and con of being sober and tried every trick in the book to “drink responsibly”. I came to this decision after years of denial, debate, and resistance. I put everything I had into making this decision the first time and there's great comfort in the fact I never have to make it again. 

• Playing the tape forward

A common tool taught in recovery is to “play the tape forward”. 

Here's how it went down on my vacation:

Waiters at the beach offered us beautiful, tropical cocktails at happy hour. I thought about what would happen if I ordered one. I'm pretty sure I'd enjoy it. But then what? I'd order another one. And then what? Would I stop? Maybe. But would I be thinking about when I could have another? Definitely. 

And what if I didn't stop? I can almost guarantee it would lead to a morning worrying about what I said the night before, along with a dry mouth and a headache. 

Alternatively, I could sit with the brief discomfort of wanting a cocktail, let it pass, order a mocktail, enjoy the rest of the day worry-free with my friends, and wake up to a beautiful sunrise over the Pacific Ocean, 

Feelings of sadness, jealousy, nostalgia, etc. can pop up after years of not drinking - and that's OK. During my vacation, these feelings were matched with a grounded belief in my decision and daily practices that foster intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth. So I'm good ;-)

Sobriety gives me the confidence to trust that I know what's best for me, despite what my brain sometimes tells me.