Wanting to want sobriety

"I'm having a really hard time not drinking. It's as simple and as complicated as that. I see above that you work with women who are "ready to give up alcohol." I worry that I'm not actually there yet. I want to stop, but part of me also obviously doesn't want to stop."

This message sums up how so many people feel about the decision to stop drinking.

Expectations, North Stars + Action to Motivation

• Expectations

I thought when I decided to stop drinking the desire would come with it. The reality is that sobriety is a choice I make every day. 

Before you start to worry about having to choose to not drink every day, let me reassure you. The “bigness” of this choice diminishes. A choice that, at first, requires an abundance of effort becomes as autonomic as brushing your teeth.

I don't know anyone who's “excited” about quitting drinking - who truly wants it in the beginning. Excitement can be part of it. And relief. And fear. And anger. And grief. Allow for all these feelings. When you release the expectation of how things should be and roll with how they are, your transition to non-drinker will be kinder, gentler, and easier.

• North Stars

Find the people who model a shiny happy sober life and let them be your north stars.

Let's face it, a lot of people will be indifferent or even against your choice to stop drinking. It's HARD to want something that most people think you're crazy for wanting, 

There's such a thing as “solo-recovery” and God bless the people who achieve it. I'm not one of them. Societal norms and other people's opinions got to me (in the beginning) and I needed to see proof that this life I was choosing was not a death sentence (spoiler alert - it's not!)

I found a sober community and listened to people who believed a life without alcohol is truly a better life until I believed it too. 

• Action to Motivation

Although I'm not a member of AA, I do love their sayings. “Bring the body, the mind will follow” is one of them.

A big lesson I've learned in sobriety is that my mind is an asshole. She mostly offers worst-case scenarios and tries to talk me out of everything. Old Maureen listened to her. New Maureen knows better. 

Now, instead of waiting for motivation to change, I simply take action. Action leads to motivation. 

If you want to want sobriety, politely ask your brain to stop talking and take action that'll create motivation to move in the direction of your goal.

About 6 years ago the idea of being alcohol-free sounded wonderful but I was terrified to commit to a sober life. So, for 2 years, I took action toward the goal of sobriety.  Actions that compounded and eventually led to the day I was finally ready to want it more than not want it. 

I think it's Cheap Trick that sings about "wanting to want." Forget that. You'll wait around forever wanting to 100% want to stop drinking.

Start with that small desire you feel to be finished with alcohol. The one that brought you here, reading a newsletter about sobriety. Take action to fuel that desire and create the motivation you need to continue. 

Stay on the path to your north star you'll get where you want to go. You'll get what you want and more. And I promise, it's well worth it.