Finding your people

The dilemma I had when considering quitting drinking was that I wanted to talk to people who had already done it and I was scared to death to talk to people who had already done it. 

Here are 3 thoughts on "finding your people”⬇️

Start where you are, the internet + IRL

  • Start where you are

If you're worried about what people will think of your choice and want to be private, THAT'S FINE. I was too. 

I can tell you there's comfort in speaking to a person who's been there and that, as Brene Brown says, shame dies in the light. But it probably won't matter. You are where you so, if you're private, start there. 

Start by talking to one person. And if you don't have that one person…talk to me! I'm a real person on the other side of this email. 

Or, start with strangers. My first few attempts at sobriety were with online challenges. 

Laura McKowen said, “One stranger who understands your experience exactly will do for you what hundreds of close friends and family who don't understand cannot. It is the necessary palliative for the pain or stretching into change. It is the cool glass of water in hell.”

  • The internet

If it weren't for the internet I wouldn't be sober. I didn't have the courage or desire to walk into a room of real, live people and discuss the fact I wanted to stop drinking. I found what I needed online, at every stage I was in.

Pre-covid I dabbled in online challenges. 

The first was a 21-day challenge that put me into a Marco Polo group of women. We were supposed to check in each day and talk about our progress. The problem was that I made ZERO progress and got tired of hearing about all of theirs. So I gave up.

This might sound like a fail but it wasn't. It was me dipping a toe in the sober pool and deciding I wasn't ready to jump in. It was nice, however, to see other women happily swimming.

One year later (and 4 months into Covid) I joined a 30-day challenge and used a fake name. Despite being incognito, I joined chat rooms and talked to EVERYONE. I used the space to say the stuff I wasn't comfortable saying in real life. 

When I “graduated" from this challenge I found myself out in the world and still not drinking. And it was lonely. Early sobriety takes up A LOT of head space.  I needed someone to talk to. 

This was right about when Laura McKowen formed her online sobriety support community, The Luckiest Club. I followed Laura on Instagram after reading her memoir of the same name. My need to talk to others who had made the same decision as me outweighed my terror, so I joined. 

And I found my people.

  • IRL

I got sober online but my sobriety is deepening in real life. The people I met in Zoom squares have become real, live friends I've texted, called, visited, and hugged. They're the magical bonus I had no idea would happen when I decided to stop drinking. 

And now that I'm “out”, women I know casually will tell me they're either sober or think they might want to be. This sparks new friendships.

Yes, drinking is everywhere, but so is sobriety once you start looking for it. 

I forgot to mention a few things about sober people. We're deep and we're FUN. We don't have booze blues and we get plenty of good sleep so buckle up if you want to hang out with us. 

What I thought would be a stigma of shame is a magnet for the BEST people to come into my life. When you're ready, I encourage you to find your people.

Maureen Anderson

Recovery Coach Professional + Gray Area Drinking Master Coach.

https://www.maureenjanderson.com/
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Wanting to want sobriety

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Staying stopped