Sober Joy

I'll never forget the moment I first experienced true sober joy. I feel a little silly telling you because it doesn't sound like much, but it was a moment that's stuck with me and I think back to it often. 

There's a 3-mile loop in my neighborhood that I walk most mornings. I've walked it so many times I could do it with my eyes closed. 

One morning, a little over a month into not drinking, I looked up while walking up a hill that cuts through a golf course. What I saw when I looked up was a sky so beautiful it stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away. It was a moment of awe. 

I wasn't used to having moments like this. I typically walked with my head down, replaying a past conversation in my head or rehearsing what I would say in a future one.

But that day I was a little over a month sober and I wasn't playing any conversation in my head. I was out for a nice walk and enjoying the scenery - and the sky took my breath away.

Looking up, find it + work for it

• Looking up

Something happens when you stop drinking. You spend less time in your head worrying about things like…drinking, or what you said, or what you didn't do that you said you would, or what you did and wished you didn't.

A quiet confidence grows inside you and you spend more time with your head up. 

This means you're more present in life and more likely to notice and appreciate moments of joy.

• Find it

I think it was probably the second half of my first year of sobriety when I started wondering why I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd be. I was expecting rainbows and unicorns and to be happy all the time and that just wasn't the case. 

One day I picked up an old notebook I used to scribble notes in and found a list I'd written before I quit drinking. It was a list of things I wanted. Things like no more hangovers, no late-night arguments with my husband, no fuzzy memories in the morning, to have more fun with my kids, more confidence, less bloating. The list went on with things I wanted to have as a result of quitting drinking.

And I realized I had all of them. I had every single thing I listed and I was taking it for granted. I was mistaking peace for a lack of joy.

• Work for it

Joy doesn't just happen to you. You've got to set the stage. 

I'm more open to moments of joy when I'm well rested, practice gratitude, get quiet time, feel productive, stay hydrated, move my body, socialize, have order in my home, and my stress is managed. It takes work, but the kind that equals good living and that I'm happy to do.

There's no doubt a sober life is a more joyful one. But no one can feel joy all the time. There's no joy without pain. Like Rob Base (the one who knows about things) says, “Joy and pain. Like sunshine and rain.”

Ditch the booze, do the good work, keep your head up, and be prepared to be hit with moments of true sober joy.