Are you emotionally intelligent?
You might think that sobriety simply means you don't drink alcohol. Any definition will say something along the lines of “living a life free of drug or alcohol use.”
The fact is, sobriety is a lot more than not ingesting a substance. It's a way of being. It's a lifestyle built on uncovering and managing your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional STUFF.
It might sound daunting but, let me tell you it's pretty great.
What is it? What does it have to do with not drinking + how do I get it?
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, control, and evaluate your emotions. Your level of emotional intelligence affects your self-awareness and self-management skills. It affects your social awareness and relationship management skills.*
It's managing your emotions with yourself AND with other people.
What does it have to do with not drinking?
Everything. It's pretty simple. If you're habitually drinking moderate amounts of alcohol do you have control over your emotions? Does that question bring up some “ick” memories?
A whole new world of managing your emotions opens when you remove alcohol.
Feel like celebrating? What do you do now? Need to de-stress after a challenging day? How do you do that without a drink? AND not take it out on your friends and family?
FUN STUFF!
How do I become emotionally intelligent?
Developing emotional intelligence is figuring out what's behind a feeling (why are you angry? What's the hurt that's triggering this feeling?) and learning ways to handle it.
It's taking responsibility for decisions and actions, and following through on commitments.**
I jokingly say it's “fun stuff” but it is important stuff. Over the past 3+ years, I've slowly increased the space between a stimulus (when someone says something that makes my shoulders rise and my heart clench) and my response (notice I wrote response, not reaction). THAT'S emotional intelligence. It's not about achieving perfection, just making small shifts and celebrating progress when you notice it.
Emotional intelligence matters just as much as intellectual intelligence, if not more when it comes to your happiness and success in life. We spend so much time developing intellect in the brain, let's not forget the heart.
*Source: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry
**Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
