How to get from HERE to THERE.
During the 2-3 years leading up to saying a final goodbye to my boyfriend, Marc West, I wanted sobriety so badly. I wanted to be a woman who didn’t drink, didn’t worry about drinking, never got hungover, and never EVER blacked out.
The problem was that I couldn’t commit to the decision to stop. I knew my end goal but was afraid (and had no idea how) to get there.
So how do you get from Point A (stuck) to Point B (clarity)?
As a recovery coach, I work with women to collaboratively resolve ambivalence about change. It’s a path that’s not linear but does have a few key steps:
Create a vision of the future you. Who do you want to be in 6 months, 1 year, 5, 10 years from now? How do you want to feel? The more specific the better. Use your 5 senses to get detailed.
Create goals based on that vision - remove alcohol, add exercise, improve relationships, discover and make time for activities that light you up, etc.
Target 1 goal at a time and create an action plan with small, attainable steps to reach it.
Focus on success. Find wins and celebrate them! Where attention goes energy flows.
A lot of people (myself included) get tripped up on the F-its. As in, “I had a glass of wine so F-it, I might as well give up. This is too hard”.
How do you handle the F-its? With acceptance, self-compassion, and a plan.
First, accept that it happened. It’s done and there’s nothing you can do about it. Then, give yourself a break. You’re human and change is hard. No one’s perfect here. Finally, make a plan for next time. How will you handle the situation?
The most important component of change is to have a vision of who you want to be. A north star. A goal. Every decision you make will bring you closer to, or further from, that goal. And if you make the wrong decision, that’s ok. You’ll have the chance to make another decision in 5 minutes.
Life is a series of decisions that take you on a journey. You’ll make lefts and rights and go forward and backward but if you keep your north star in sight you’ll get there.
Brene Brown says, “Whatever you are looking for, you’re going to find it.”
I believe this is true. In the “slowing down” of sobriety I’ve learned to be patient and trust the process. As long as I point (and keep re-pointing) myself in the right direction, I’ll get there. And you will too.
